Stella Bella Hella Umberella (Ella Ella Aye Aye Aye)’s Neighborhood

*Do not try these at home. Well, if you do, don't use them on me or you will gets laughed at....

Good news, the test results are negative!
If this truly a pick up line? Why does this seem like this needs discussion over a late night meal at a Shari's restaurant??LMFAO......................

Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?
Did this fucker say my teeth were yellow?

If you were a booger I'd pick you first.
Really, if you were a booger, I'd eat you..

Oh my god, I thought I was gay... then I met you.
Have I ever mentioned about 3 people I've dated have turned gay....

What's the name of your perfume? "Catch of the Day?
I wreak of the sea?

Your eyes are as blue as my toilet water at home.
And sometimes I shit logs the size of penis's, it must be love

How long do you take in the shower?
Submitted by Strive2Be.

When I'm in a hurry, less than 10 minutes. But when I gotta shave my pits, legs, and groom the cooch, you're looking at least 20 minutes!

I thought I was done with being all emotional at weddings. Last year, when one of my friends got married in Vegas and I was one of the bridemaids, I got a bit emotional because one of her wedding songs was one of mine, Did she know that when picking her music for her special day?

No. How is one supposed to cater to the divorcee in the bridal court. You don't. You can't.

And this year, the last of my friends married off. Yes, same location, Vegas, emotional-not so much. I guess it was a quickie wedding, Shortest thing I've ever been to when it comes down to saying I do.
I had no time to really think about it or where I was at.

I was more fearful of anything of being the only single person and standing up there, yet again to catch a fake bouquet. Trust me, I never really wanted to catch it post-wedding/divorce, and I was damn sure this time it wasn't going to conk me on the head.

No, I didn't get emotional when I heard "it's ELECTRIC"....that would be The Electric Slide for those of you not in the know. And I didn't tear up not once.

Hmmm. As I headed to the reception area, I had my mind on 2 things. One, being the the ass smacking dude from the strip club and seeing him with his girl LMAO in my head and two, maybe I didn't get emotional because my heart is in a happier place now. Well I was in my version of my Disneyland afterall....Viva Las Vegas...

Could this be a sign of healing?

.........................................................................................

Fast forward a couple of weeks. I'm at work and I get handed the bridal cards to sign to send warm wishes to my fellow co-workers who are getting hitched this month.I spot this little corner where I can write a blurb about congrats or something to that effect.

Hey look there's just enough room to write, You sure? or Don't do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But I don't offer my 2 cents because that wouldn't be the positive Kristina that they know.

The Kristina I know right now doesn't mind telling people how her first signs of anxiety started when she got engaged or how she wished that they would have went to pre-marital counseling or how Dr.Phil really isn't totally full of shit. Kristina won't mind helping with pre wedding jitters or sharing how her officiant was a lesbian with really hairy armpits and didn't find that out until we lifted our hands in praise..OH MY...The Kristina I know will also tell you that you don't have to be married to have a child and she will advise you to wait a few years until you have children so you can get used to the fact that you are indeed married. The Kristina I know isn't 100 percent sure that she'd do it again....

And I figured this out during my office bridal shower. There they stood. The brides dressed in toilet paper. And there I was. A bit too emotional. I couldn't look at her. She looked beautiful even though I could I technically wipe my ass with her dress.

All eyes on the brides.....

And for me it's all eyes on the girl who is divorced and is living proof failure does come in a size 4 and boy, does she know how to rock it...

My homie Greg sent me the below today (and you should totally check out his band IRC). It was a nice laugh in the face of a day that won't quit. I just want to go cuddle next to Jane Fonda right now. That's only funny if you know who "Jane Fonda" really is in my life.

So this little story just puts me right where I am right now. Somewhere in between the stable girl and the ambitious girl. So yea, the exciting one but with more stability.

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.

When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so

ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am older and wiser now, and am looking for a girl with big tits.

Word.

...which turns into a rant/analysis.

It's one of those weeks already. The sad fact that by actually using a phrase like "one of those weeks," I know it sucks. It's probably the impending excitement at a three day weekend that includes the 4th of July. So yea...it's rough.

In order to relax from the past 7 days which includes a night of all night partying with the coworkers, a long weekend at home complete with fishing trip (which was really awesome surprisingly), and finally a there and back trip to San Francisco. I woke up at 5 am on Monday, took a 8 am flight to San Fran and worked all day at of my company's SF office. All day on a proposal for a certain video game company's casual games division that may or may not have made Assassin's Creed. It's shameless but I felt like a kid inside those offices. Fun times. Then I came back to LA on a 7 pm flight arriving back at home around 9 pm only to end with the wrong order from Taco Bell. Lame.

Anywho, to my sociological study. The previous story was to show you where I am right now in my being. Worked was long and blah blah blah. I'm taking it easy actually in my room for a change. It's dirty in here. So I decided to partake in a fabulous lung dart which is not easy to quit (damn you Big Tobacco!). Only when I'm in a certain state of mind.

As I was enjoying my slow death, a group of three people were walking up from the beach (oh yea, remember, I live by the beach and yes it's as awesome as everyone says) and they were conversing about something that I couldn't here nor did I really care. But then something happened that made me think enough to actually sit and write a post. They were obviously enjoying their conversation as they were laughing and all but as they got within 5 feet...silence. I was even courteous and didn't exhale as they passed. But they just stopped and silence. It was as if they were having some uber secret thing going on that not even a stranger in a hooded sweatshirt can here. But it made me laugh because I do the same. We all do. but why? I mean some of my conversations shouldn't really be heard by anyone but not all of them. So why?

Here's my thought. Maybe, going back to that one sociologist that said something about this, we protect our personal circles so much that we the mere entrance of another person without our desire disrupts the space. We all have a personal space and when you put a comfortable balance with people (ie. your homies) then you're good. You'll say nearly anything and that's comfortable. But on the street, we're all socially trained to close off when we pass someone. Now don't take this as me proposing that we talk out loud about anything around anyone. I can't really agree with tha
But it's fun to think about it. People ask why I decided to be a double major. Well if I'm paying the amount I did for school, why not get two degrees out of it. Then people ask, "but why communication and sociology?" Well, communication because I work in the media. And sociology...it's just interesting. I liked going to sociology class. No real homework except to read and the occasional life halting paper or study for that comprehensive final; no, it was discussing the ideas and applying them to everyday situations to try and make sense of our behaviors. Boom, it was great.

So maybe what just happened to me wasn't a grand sociological study but it definitely got my blood moving. Then again, I was smoking a red.

Word.
 

Out of anyone in your address book, with whom would you most like to have lunch today?

I'd like to have lunch with my friend Cathy. Ever since she's been pregnant, she's been different.I've seen her maybe 2 times in the past 5 months. Well, I just miss her. 

Time to love and looooooaaaathe.....

Since I'm having a very positive day, let's switch shit up and start with loathe.

Loathe:

The fact I don't have a dresser yet.
My hair after the gym.
I'm breaking out.
That the warm weather is making me rather horny.
I feel bloated.
My workload at work.
My over charges on my cell phone from fucking texts.
The bra I wear to the gym, I swear if I land that instructor position, I'm buying new bras STAT....
10 hour days.
Gas prices.
Itchy eyes.
I'd like to party in CT this weekend but instead I live in WA.

Love:

The sunshine.
I emailed Mr.Cali and gave him very valid reasons on why I should be his girl. Whether or not he's taking me seriously, I dunno, but hopefully I'm making him smile.
Tomorrow is my Friday.
I have 2 extra "mom and daughter" days this week.
Grande Iced Chai Tea Soy lattes.
I'm about a month away from my New York trip.
Gabby ate her spaghetti tonight cuz I made it with seashells.
My thighs.

What is your personal motto?

Take a chance.

MGMT -- THE GOSSIP -- RADIOHEAD -- JOMI MASSAGE -- KATE NASH -- MUGISON -- GNARLS BARKLEY -- KINGS OF LEON -- MOGWAI -- HOLY FUCK -- GOLDFRAPP -- THE TING TINGS -- JOSÉ GONZÁLEZ -- TOKYO POLICE CLUB -- EFTERKLANG -- JOAN AS POLICE WOMAN -- LYKKE LI -- THE RAVEONETTES -- THE CHEMICAL BROTHERS -- THE DUKE SPIRIT -- CAT POWER -- FUCK BUTTONS -- HOT CHIP -- DIGITALISM -- DAN DEACON

And... That's how I'm spending the next four days. Suck it, civilization.