1 post tagged “ex rule”
Isn't there a rule somewhere that says exes aren't supposed to enter your life ever. again.? I'm not talking about the most recent ex, whom I'm sure the lot of you have grown to hate, but one from a little over a year and a half ago. It was weird because I had seen him for a moment the last time I went to the city and we exchanged hellos as there was really nothing worth talking about. It's always been my position that we at one point were set to spend the rest of our lives together and then .. we weren't .. so simple pleasantries would just always seem forced. Anyway, a lot has changed since our time together (a year off the drugs for me, finally entering his twenties for him) so I honestly respect him and truly wish him the best in his endeavors and I'm not just saying that. I mean, I hope he finds love and hope and happiness and success. But so I had contemplated sending him an email just checking in since we haven't had a proper conversation since a few months after the split but I just ended up thinking better of it, realizing that the inner peace I had achieved really was so exceptional that why would I go and fuck it up now, yknow?
Out of absolutely nowhere he texts me today asking for an assignment from a class we took together in college Fall 2006. He's getting ready to graduate so I assume that something messed up with this grade or with this class or .. something. That, or he just wanted some excuse to text me and thought of that class. (Hey, it happens, trust.) Either way, I told him I was 30 minutes out from my house and that I'd check when I got home, all the while envisioning a conversation with him that just went so well, even allowing my mind to just drift back to some of the times we shared and just .. yeah. I happened to find the assignment he was looking for when I returned home (shout to Gmail) and my final paper for the class which, if he was in a bind, he might need, so I gave him a quick call - he asked me to forward it to him and I had to ask for his email address, which I had deleted along with everything else in my life that could be connected to him (though I recognized his phone number from having called and texted it several times a day for over a year) and then he got off the phone quickly telling me he was going inside some place.
And it hit me.
The first time I had spoken to him in a year plus some change and it's because he wants something. And I'm not going to take back all those nice things I really do want for his life, but to think that even for a moment I allowed myself to get into this mindset that maybe we could be friends and maybe we could chat is just so absurd that I'm wondering who in the world this is sitting here typing this right now. I loved that guy with every fiber of my being, no questions, but what is it about me that so desperately hopes for the best all the time? It feels so sickeningly naïve about how people are and if and when I'll find people to be a part of my life who aren't wanting things or anything, really.
